is 33

33

My second number is now equal to my first number. 


I think 33 is going to treat me well.

I've started off 33 with a bang. 

My life is in boxes.
I'm sure I've packed up at least 33 boxes and taken about that many trips to the D.I. with things I shouldn't have ever kept for this long.  In 33 years you seem to accumulate a lot of stuff. 

My house is sold and I'm only out about $3300 dollars.  I'll count that as a success.

The ring on my finger is still shining as beautifully as ever and I've been officially engaged for 33 days.

and I can hardly wait for the next 364 days of 33.

Me?  In love? 
Yep.  

and engaged.  
you read that right:  engaged!

No longer do I have to use the word "boyfriend" (which i hate if you remember correctly).  
Now I can say "my fiance" over and over and over and over and over again.  

Now to be a little bit sentimental and serious.  

There were days when I thought that being engaged, getting married or finding someone who would love me were a far stretch of the imagination.  Numerous times when I wondered what on earth I could be doing wrong. Hours of projects and "stuff" just to stay busy and feel like I was doing something worthwhile. Family functions that I didn't want to attend because I didn't want to go alone.  Church meetings that were almost too much for me to sit through without crying.  Long nights when the only person I could turn to for peace was my Heavenly Father.

The peace came and I had to just keep on moving forward and believing that despite the struggle I was able to be loved and that there was a plan for me.  There was a plan for me with lots of great people along the way to teach me life's lessons and shape me into who I am now.

Chances are that if you are reading this you are one of those people that have had a profound influence on my life. 
You have comforted me when I needed a friend. 
You have listened when I just needed to talk. 
You have asked how I was doing and been okay with whatever answer I gave. 
You have helped me to find joy in the small things in life. 
You have encouraged me to be positive. 
You have provided a perspective for me on how blessed I am and have been. 
You believed in me when I didn't.  
You have taught me through your examples, life and who you are that all of us have challenges and roadblocks in life;
You have helped me remember that the key is moving past them and learning how to find joy and look forward instead of back. 
You have prayed for me time and time again.

Your prayers have been answered.  

So have mine.  tenfold. 

In a way that I am still in awe of.  

I can't think of anyone better than Eric to spend eternity with.  

Heavenly Father knew exactly what I needed.
He understood the desires of my heart.  The heart which I often thought would never be whole or understood.

and

Now my heart is whole, full and ready to be given to Eric.  

I know that there will continue be challenges, struggles and growing experiences.
There will also be someone who is standing side by side with me and we can face those challenges together. 

I know that Eric was being prepared for me and I was being prepared for him.
He is logical when I am emotional.
He is patient when I can't quite express how I feel.
He calms me down when I am stressed.
He listens when something is important to me that I need to talk about.
He looks at me and I know he loves me.
He prays for me and with me. 
He makes mistakes to make me feel like it is okay if I make a mistake too. 
He smiles at me and my concerns go away.
He squeezes my hand to remind me that he isn't going anywhere.
He is perfect for me.   
He loves me. 

Forever.  

One word has never meant so much.

December 29th is the beginning of something really great that will only get better everyday.




 

Is neglectful

Not that I needed to spell it out for you, but I haven't been blogging lately.

A lot on my mind.
However, I think it is best if it stays tucked away in my mind for a little bit longer.

Just to wet your appetite for more to come:

I got puked on twice the first day of school.
If it was my first year teaching I probably would have quit.
It's not my first year. It's year 12.  Which in and of itself is enough to make me want to quit.
(actually I have a fantastic class this year and a darn cute classroom thanks to pinterest and target)

And just in case you were wondering what I looked like before the kids puked on me. . . . it is a pretty great dress.  Basically, it feels like I am wearing my pajamas to school, only a little bit more flattering. (please ignore the shoes in the background that didn't make it into the shoe basket. that is embarrassing.)

 

I've learned a thing or two this summer
 (which for the record is not even CLOSE to being over yet - or so I would like to convince myself):  


In no apparent order. 
Here are my thoughts. 
Seriously, they aren't in order so don't try to make sense of them. 
It would be futile. 


*It is possible to sleep more nights not in your own bed than in it. 
*I like to have things planned.  to the last little detail.
*I kind of  panic when plans don't follow through.
counting to ten slowly sometimes doesn't actually calm me down, no matter how soothing the voice is. 
 *I can drive for hours and hours on end without having to stop to go to the bathroom.  Sheer talent. 
*I cannot drive for hours and hours without feeling like I might fall asleep.  
*Driving for hours and hours tends to do crazy things to my little mind and I start to over-analyze 
(me over-analyze? Crazy, right?!) 
*When there are 40 mph winds and a rain/hailstorm pounding down my reasoning skills go out the window and terror steps in.  and then i quit.  I don't really want to talk about it, but let's just say the only reason I was able to see Eric cross the finish line at the half-ironman was because I didn't actually compete.  DNS.  three little letters of shame.  
 *I can't actually row a boat.  It takes to much thinking about going left or right or with the current or not.  Confusing. 
*Tara and Dave are great hosts and they don't care if you aren't an ironman. Oh, and their baby Tess might be the cutest baby ever. 
*Yellowstone has a lot of bison.  They are not actually mechanical and placed there to con guests into believing there is wildlife as Eric some would like you to believe. Same is true of the Elk and Moose.
*Shootout barn is named so because there was actually a shoot-out there. 
*Natalie still doesn't like to take naps.  Oh, to be a four year old again and fight taking a nap. 
*The Target in Eugene is just like the one in Orem.  Only better because I didn't have to pay sales tax. Why didn't I buy more? Oh ya, because I don't need anything new.  ever. 
*When you decide to drive to the coast it will pour rain.  pour.  You will get out of the car for about 4.7 minutes -- just long enough for the kids to be covered in sand and soaking wet -- and then you will  drive home. 
*This is the place Heritage Park is much more fun when you are not on a field trip.  It was nothing short of a miracle that I convinced my family to go there, and then they actually enjoyed it. I'll turn them into pioneers someday.   
*Trail running is not my thing.  I almost ruined didn't ruin the whole day just because I burst into tears after a few miles of the boneville shoreline trail. 
* Cotton candy is harder to make than I thought (and I just watched while Corrine made it)

*The Boneville Shoreline trail is confusing and randomly ends. 
*When you ride the ski lift at Grand Targhee it is a little scary, but it is really pretty at the top.  I am pretty sure I was more scared than the children.  really. 
*Snow-cones are filled with sugar and when that is all that you have eaten in a day it can be a little bit of a sugar high.  Snow-cones are also free when your cousins are running the  booth at the carnival so it is kind of required to have one. 
* There is a difference between feeling important and feeling loved. 

* Doing "nothing" is really hard for me.  I'm working on it.  I wish I could. 
* Strawberry picking is really fun and it filled the void of missing Pleasant Grove's Strawberry Days. 
* Getting two little girls to clean their room may take all morning but with a few bribes and some clever games thrown into the mix it is actually possible.  
* The Five Love Languages book is really that good.  I should probably read it about every 2 weeks.

* The olympic trials are really fun to watch.  I know nothing about the details of the olympics. 
* Chapstick melts when it is really hot and then stains your clothes.   
* Taking a break from school for weeks on end is good for me.  I did nothing for school for almost 3 weeks straight. 
* Needy and needed are two different things.  
* Running in Oregon is easier -- I can actually breathe.  
* Sleeping in for me is like sleeping until 6:30 a.m. I think it is a sickness. 
* New situations bring to light new emotions.  
* My grandma still knows how to say what I need to hear when I need to hear it.

* I can fix a flat tire. It will go flat again in like 5 minutes. It will go flat again, again the next day after a short ride.  I will eventually just take it to get a tune-up. 
*  Being away from home forces you to chill out a little bit and forget about your lists. 
* Refined eating has more than one meaning.

* It is fun to cook dinner for someone else, and it is kind of stressful. 
* Alone time is precious. 
* Riding Suncrest (up the Draper side) is brutal.  I was shamed on my bike.  
* Sleep time is important to some people.  I am not one of those people, but I am trying to understand "those people"
* Summer bbqs are fun. 

* I don't take any pictures anymore.  I don't know why, because now I really wish I had pictures of anything I've done this summer.  
* I don't get lost driving in Eugene anymore. 
* I like my old running Garmin better than the new one I got. 

* Being away from home for weeks at a time saves me money.  
* I miss the Young Women when I am away. 
* Ants are hard to get rid of. 
*When you don't water your flowers or take care of your garden it kind of dies. 
* Eric is super patient. 
* I like to be productive. I need to redefine what being productive is. 

* I am super uptight. 
* It is possible to eat a 1 pound burger at Big Juds. (I didn't eat it, but my talented boyfriend did)

* Rexburg has changed in the last 15 years since I went to school there (go figure). 
*  Everyone has family movies and I love the memories that they bring back to the surface. 
*Girls camp in 100+ degree weather is not actually a dream come true. 

* There are really only a few people in a week that I really talk to.  I can count them on one hand.  Maybe that makes me sort of a looser. 
* My family makes me crazy. (and I love them)
* I am not as tan this summer as I have been in the past, but I'm okay with not getting skin cancer. 
* I-pads are cool.  Maybe i'll use it for school someday.  Maybe not.  
*This list is really long and although I am sure I have more I could add. . . . I won't bore you. 


I still have a few weeks of learning to do.......wish me luck.

survived

two weddings.
of
two siblings.

one month apart
in
one summer

Kristin and Mitch got married on June 6th in the Draper temple.
Derek and Ashley got married on July 6th in the Mt. Timpanogos temple.
 
I took zero pictures (but stole these from their facebook accounts)

It's been a busy time and to be honest, I think I am just now processing how the family has changed. 

I've gained a brother-in-law and a sister-in-law.
I kind of feel like I've lost a brother and a sister so I guess it all evens itself out.
and now I have my mom back since she isn't busy putting her wedding planning skills to work 24 hours a day.

Surprisingly, I didn't really have people asking stupid questions about when it was my turn or when i was getting married.  I guess when it boils down to it being my turn next or Daniels turn next anybody's guess is as good as mine. Plus, they* have been saying it was my turn next since for the last 12 years so maybe they have just learned their lesson and realized that they have been wrong the last 5 times.  I guess when Daniel gets married I would be the only option left for getting married next so they can hold their breath and use their prophetic powers when they are sure I am, in fact, next.  

Kind of glad to be done with summer weddings.
and
Really glad I survived.  

*they = well meaning ward members, family friends and complete strangers who share an opinion with anyone willing to listen. 

I think that summer and living within walking distance from target is a bad thing for my budget.

Just saying.

Of wetsuits and drowning and stupidity and such

First things first: 

Wetsuits:  not attractive, not comfortable and not easy to put on. 
Wetsuits:  Easy to float in, slimming because they are black (right?), make you look more professional than you will ever be. 

Drowning: Not fun, not desirable, not exactly the plan
Drowning:  A high possibility. 

Stupidity:  Not smart. 
Stupidity:  Thinking that one open water swim before a 1.2 mile swim (yes you read the right) is going to be enough. 

So, there you have it. 

Those are some of my observations from tonight. 

And from a professional triathlete (ya, I roll in circles like that) a few more observations. 

1.  Don't fight the water
2.  Slow down and breathe (rocket science right?)

3.  Just keep swimming, or back float or such. 
4.  Don't get water up your nose.  (seems easy. . . it's not)
5.  DON'T FIGHT THE WATER! 


I've got a little over a week to live my life. . . . before I possibly drown and die, wearing an unattractive wetsuit.  I hope that Eric will at least identify me for my loved ones. 

Any prayers would be appreciated.  Seriously.  Just pray I can survive the swim and make it to the 56 mile bike and 13.1 mile run.  Praying that I will look good in a wetsuit is a lost cause. 

Took 1 picture

1 - The number of pictures we took this weekend

2- The number of temples we tried to go to.
 
3 - The number of days together.

4 - The number of exits or turns missed while driving because he was so distracted by me (either that or I wasn't giving very good navigating instructions).

5 - The number of hours of sleep we probably averaged each night throughout the weekend.  He just NEVER wanted to say goodnight.

6 -  How much Kneeders French Toast was eaten.....all you can eat and we eat 6 pieces (technically 5.5 but I'm rounding up for the purpose of this post) between the two of us.  I think we need to go more hungry. 

7 -  The number of minutes he probably had to wait for me every time he was ready to go somewhere. It takes time to be beautiful. 

8 - The number of times my dad asked when he was going to get to come to Eugene to visit this summer. . . . I think he is trying to pawn me off on Eric.  I also think Eric is on to his scheming. (the answer was zero)

9 - The number of seconds his showers lasted (approximately) because we both thought that the hot water still wasn't working in the guest bathroom. . . . I discovered it was the morning he left when I was cleaning. 

10- The  number of miles we ran on Saturday morning.  

11 - The number of days until I see him again. . . . and possibly for the last time if I don't actually survive the Half-Ironman.

Graduated. . . . . A Long time ago

I was asked last week to play the piano for one of my yw who was singing at her High School Seminary graduation.

I happily obliged. And then I bought a new dress for the performance. (just kidding)
As we were practicing I started reflecting on my own seminary graduation

15 years ago.

I thought I was so grown up.
I thought I was ready to conquer the world.
I thought I knew a lot about the gospel.
I thought that my red dress I wore to a formal dance that year was the most beautiful thing ever.
I've learned a lot more since that evening 15 years ago.

Thankfully.

I've learned that the foundation I received by attending and graduating from seminary have been crucial to my success.
I've learned that my testimony hasn't necessarily changed, just grown.
I've learned that I will always have a special place I'm my heart for my seminary teachers.
I've learned that the red dress was probably cute then, but now. . . .wow.
I've learned that my seminary scriptures are fun to read (and "glue-ins" lose their glue after 15 years)
I've learned that I am still growing up and I am still learning.

I can't believe it was 15 years ago.

I feel old. 

Check out this cool mormon messages clip I found on LDS.org while I was preparing my YW lesson for Sunday. . . . .  (can I just say that the media the church has now is SO much better than when I was in High School, but I still kind of miss the cheesy made up family that accompanied the year that we studied the Doctrine and Covenants. Plus, sometimes we cheated and my dad would show us the videos before we were in Seminary.  Oh, and you better believe I not only owned, but had the soundtracks memorized by heart.  I was such a nerd.)

Just watch it. 

i am  one of a kind.  

i think i am the luckiest.

i am happy to only have 8.5 days of school left

i have too many pairs of shoes.

i miss playing night games on Mohawk Avenue with my neighborhood friends. 

i fear my parents dying in a car wreck or a plane crash.  (totally irrational, I know, but I still have to go home to say goodbye to them every-time they travel)

i feel out of place in a ward full of mom's and babies and families.

i smell lilacs and I am instantly taken back to my childhood. 

i usually turn off my alarm clock every morning before it has a chance to go off.  Why do I even set it? I'm not sure.  

i search for good deals and the perfect pair of colored skinny jeans.  no luck yet.

i wonder how many kids I'll have someday.  I'm getting old.

i love the feeling of accomplishing my goals.

i care too much

i tell myself not to care so much

i worry about my yw

i am not as cool as my 2 siblings who are getting married this summer (my nephew told me I could be cool if I got married.  working on it)

 

i remember exercising to "mousercise" from the disney channel as a child.  What? you didn't? you missed out.  

i believe that there is a plan for me.  A better plan than I could ever come up with. . . and I've come up with some good plans.  

i sing to myself while I run.  seriously, sometimes I do.  who needs an i-pod? 

 

i don’t always hang up or put away my laundry when it comes out of the dryer.  It usually takes me at least a day.  

 

i don’t like crying in front of people. You know how some people cry pretty? I don't.   

i write in my journal at least once a week.  It's therapeutic 

(and kind of ridiculous/entertaining to go back and read)

 

i win rarely.  

 

i lose my keys.  daily.  sometimes 2x.  

 

i dance with Ann-Marie in a black leotard and pink tights.  That is, after all, what real ballerina's do. 

 

i wish I was a better swimmer.  

 

i never get everything done that I want to in a day, but don't you fret, I keep on making those lists.  every day. 

 

i listen to the freeway outside my bedroom window and wonder if I should quit my teaching job and just be a stay at home traffic reporter.  

 

i don't understand why some days I run and feel great and other days I make it three steps and want to quit.  

i can usually be found with earrings in my ears.  With short hair it is kind of necessary.  

 

i need a day with no responsibilities.  That would be a dream come true.  

 

i forget that people actually read my blog and sometimes post things that should just be written in my journal.  

Have you ever. . .

Have you ever

done nothing monumental and yet everything you wanted to all in one weekend?

I have

Have you ever

watched someone when they didn't know you were watching and been amazed at their talent and abilities? 

I have.  (it is different than stalking)

Have you ever 

read the pamphlet "Is Kissing a Sin?"

I have.  (it isn't)

Have you ever

felt uncommonly comfortable in a home that isn't yours? 

I have. 

Have you ever

thought up "games" to play with two active children so that they don't touch every item in the bike shop?  (they were fun games, Eric missed out since he was looking at bikes)

I have.

Have you ever 

wished you didn't live 852 miles away?

I have. 

Have you ever

had someone listen to you as you ramble on and on probably making no sense at all? 

I have (sadly, probably more than once, or twice, or three times. . . . )

Have you ever

felt like you had a purpose and a place just laying in the bottom bunk reading books to a 4 yr old at bedtime? 

I have.

Have you ever

had someone who hardly knows you let you stay at their house, and use their vehicles and keep you company when you come to visit their brother/brother-in-law?

I have.  (so kind)

Have you ever

been invited to tag along on a daddy daughter date and reminisced about 30 years ago when you were the little girl so excited to be with her dad at McDonalds? 

I have. 

Have you ever

missed a flight because you couldn't stand the thought of going home to an empty house? 

I have.

Have you ever

had someone be so patient with you that you decide to be more patient with yourself? 

I have.  (I'll keep working at it)

Have you ever

wished you could freeze a moment in time and keep it forever? 

I have.  

Have you ever 

realized you still didn't take any pictures and people are going to wonder if you are making the whole thing up? 

I have.  (I'm not)

Have you ever

gone to a "guy movie" (aka: avengers) and secretly really liked it, even though you didn't totally understand?

I have. (it was good!)

Have you ever

learned a valuable lesson while reading a Book of Mormon picture reader or the Friend? 

I have. 

 

Have you ever

tried to explain to your mom what is going on while you are trying to get off the phone with her and have someone kissing you at the same time? 

I have.  (he can't get enough of me)

Have you ever 

been to a track meet in "Track Town USA --  best:time:ever"?

I have.

Have you ever

run on a quiet morning through trees that are actually green on a street with not another single soul in sight?

I have.

Have you ever 

looked into someone's eyes and known that he really did mean what he was saying? 

I have.  

Have you ever

wondered how you are so lucky?  

I have. 

I do. 

Every single day.  

A few facts.

I shouldn't have worried.
My mom will always have the corner on charming.
He still is as cute as I remembered.
My family asks easier questions.
Running 14 miles lends itself to great conversation.
I am bad at taking pictures (not even 1 picture. . . Not 1)
He loves my TV.
I've burned a lot of calories the past few days, but i've eaten more, so it doesn't count.
he really does make me laugh all.the.time.
You can't kiss and laugh simultaneously. I've tried about 47 times.
He thinks cookie dough is a food group.
If you take him to see Hunger Games, he won't appreciate the developing love story. He'll laugh outloud.
Everything is more fun with him.
All the yw are asking questions.
My weekend went by to fast.
And on and on and on.

More to come.

has a new hobby

My new hobby is 4 yr olds. 

I want to take and keep every 4 yr old that I see. 

I think they are my favorite. 

I just spent Spring Break with Jim, Megan and the boys. 

One of those boys if 4 years old.

He couldn't be any more charming, and I think he knows it. 

Oh, there was the occasional fit and a few tears, but still. 

4 is the prefect age.  

I think I need to start a preschool.  (seriously)

We went hiking and drank "magic water" to heal Luke's leg when he fell down.
We caught lizards and rubbed their bellies to get them to stop wiggling (we = the boys)
We watched a 3-D movie with Luke grabbing at the screen about every 12.7 seconds.  Loved it.
We talked about the upcoming "offering" (it is actually my sisters wedding, but Luke couldn't remember the word wedding so he called it the "offering")

We went swimming. 
We took pictures of ourselves over and over and over again. 
We (megan and I) dragged Luke shopping all morning long and he told me that everything I tried on was beautiful.

We discussed over and over the fact that I am not married and have no babies.  (this is a hard thing for a four year old to understand -- well frankly it is hard for me to understand too, but he has more reason to be confused by this than I do).  Not to worry, Luke is going to buy me a baby at the baby shop.  He's nice like that.  

We drank the skim milk that Megan bought for me since I think 2% is disgusting.  Luke thought it was skin milk and wondered if I thought the skin tasted good.  I can see where the confusion could come from. 

We pet every dog we saw on the street.  every. single.one.
We got a lot of attention everywhere we went, because with boys this cute, it is only natural.
(not to mention the fact that they live in LA where having 3 children is not natural) 

Nothing like boosting your morale by spending time with 3 little boys who think you are a celebrity. 
I am excited to see them again soon (at Kristin's "offering"). 

. . . . and apparently Ben didn't want to be in any of my pictures. . . . I'll have to get some from Megan.

 

Is counting down

I've been counting down for a long time now. 

53 days so far.

Did you ever know that 2 months could feel like forever?  

. . . . and I'm not just being dramatic.  It can. 

2 holidays, 58 days and a 8 weekends

that is a long time

They say 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' 

I kind of don't like that phrase.  

I think that being in someone's presence makes the heart grow fonder

not absence

I think absence makes the heart grow tireder and impatient

(I clearly know that tireder is a word. It just sounds more dramatic -- if I was being dramatic, which I am not).  

Thursday can't come soon enough.  

Long distance is hard, but worth it. . . . . if in fact he doesn't change his mind when he sees me again.  

He assures me he won't.  

I believe him (usually).

It isn't like we haven't talked over the last 53 days.  

I've spent more hours on the phone (with him of course) over the past 53 days than I have ever spent on the phone my entire life.

  (thank goodness we don't pay by the minute for long distance phone calls anymore.  cell phones are genius)

all the same

I'm still a little anxious.   

Maybe absence makes you anxious.  

I'm pretty sure that every picture I try to take of myself with a new haircut says 'anxious' -- I'll start smiling normally when he is here. . . . . and we'll take lots of pictures, which I am sure he will be thrilled about.  

 

someday

someday

I'll know where to find all the things I "put away" and can't find

more organized

someday

I'll stop worrying about things that I have no control over

less worried

someday 

I'll be 100% planned for school

more prepared

someday

I'll get up every morning for a whole week without being tired

less exhausted

someday

I'll look back at my concerns and they won't be concerns at all

someday. 

come soon someday. . . .