A Little Treat

I know I should be asleep. It is, afterall, almost "tomorrow"

However I have a few things to say before I retire to my bed.
and since I am staying up late lest talk about this:

The later I stay up the more I snack.

ohhh. . . the life of a snacker.

Here are a list of foods that you can eat and actually burn more calories in the consuming than you would take in during the eating.

• Celery
• Oranges
• Strawberries
• Tangerines
• Grapefruit
• Carrots
• Apricots
• Lettuce
• Tomatoes
• Cucumbers
• Watermelon
• Cauliflower
• Apples
• Hot Chili Peppers
• Zucchini

Sometimes these foods are called negative calorie food. Really, I eat and enjoy all of these foods (with the exception of Hot Chilli Peppers). I am pretty sure that without hesitation I can say that I have never thought to myself: "Self, I think I'll have a snack. . . hmmm . . . what is this? Oh! A hot chilli pepper. Just what I was looking for" Nope, never done that.

Even as tempting as this delicious negative calorie celery looks I am pretty sure that most days by snack cravings look a little bit different. Lets be honest, I would rather be eating any of the following items:

Note: these are NOT non-calorie foods (sad, I know).

** A Snickers Candybar (or 2 or 3 really)
** Chips and salsa
** Ice Cream (of any variety)
** Grasshopper cookies (most likely the whole package)
** Cottage Cheese (I know it doesn't really fit the list of treats, but it is truly a "treat" to me. I love it every day, all day).
** Mint Chocolate Creamies
** Anything "bad" for you.

Why can't I crave celery? I even have some in my fridge.

I think I should go to sleep so I can get up and run off these ridiculous cravings!

Oh, how I love a "little treat" Now just to pick which one to eat for breakfast since I am trying a new "no snacking" after 8 rule.

Dear Sewing Machine,

I want to start by telling you thank you for all of your hard work. If I could list 3 words to describe you they would have to be: dedicated, patient and amazing. You have been so good to me over the past few sewing projects. You sewed some really great aprons at Christmas time. Put out a quilt in record time. And more recently, the Pioneer clothes that you produced were downright darling. Given your clean track record, your recent behavior is baffling to me. Right when i am in the middle of making a really cute quilt do you have to start tightening and double-stitching for no reason at all? Just thinking that maybe if I ask nicely all your parts could work together without giving me too much trouble.

(I did read the book crucial conversations and they told me to "start with the heart" in all conversations. . . . so that is why I started with all of the great things about you. Reference them at the start of the letter if at anytime during the reading you are feeling attacked or unfairly accused)

For the record: I have been so protective of you and kept you all clean and tidy and tuned and I haven't let anyone borrow you or take you away from your home. I think that given my phenomenal treatment of you I am getting the raw end of the deal.

If you could see what this great quilt looks like that I am working on I know you would understand and comply with my simple request. Thank you in advance for seeing/sewing it my way and playing nice, at least for the remainder of the evening. I only have 10 more squares to go (on this part of the quilt). I think that what I am asking of you is 100% reasonable. I hope we can stay friends for a very long time.

Love,
Amber

ps -- A special note to the bobbin about how important you are to the success of the machine. I think you are causing most of the problem and I would hate to see you be replaced. You have been warned.

wishes this wasn't true

“To love at all is to be vulnerable.

Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.

If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
- CS Lewis

2 months later and still I am not so sure I am really ready to love.
Well, lets just leave love out of the situation all together.
I am not even sure I am ready to be a "normal" date.

Ridiculous, but sometime I feel guilty for being happy and trying to move on, but tell myself that it is okay to be happy and date and find someone who loves me as much as I love them. He didn't love me. That is what I remind myself. I don't want my heart to be unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable I say to myself before I go to sleep. Locked and unlovable is not my goal.

Then, I wake up at 2 am with that feeling in the pit of your stomach like something isn't right but you aren't sure what. Not the "sick to your stomach" feeling. Couldn't be that. I would have to be eating a lot more to feel that way. The kind of feeling that starts in your stomach but slowly moves to your chest, and then all of a sudden your chest is tight and it is like you are being crushed. Like whatever is left of your heart is being yanked right out of your little body.


Then the tears start -- and you were sure that they were all gone. And then you relive every second of every minute spent together and in your reliving it is like everything was always perfect. . . every bike ride, every race, all the time spent with family, every conversation, the things that made you laugh, the restaurants you ate at, the movies that you saw, all the errands that you ran just to be able to spend time together. Everything. It is like every great moment that you ever had with that person is being brought to your memory and that every second spent together during that year or more you dated was bliss.

Funny how the "bad/hard" things about the no longer existent relationship don't ever come up to my memory at 2 am. I don't think about the times I sat waiting for him to call or worried about what I was doing wrong, or stressed over something I said or wondered when I would see him next or felt insecure wondering why after a year things weren't progressing/moving forward. Nope, those things don't come up in the middle of the night.

It takes a lot of effort (and makes me lose a lot of sleep) to be heartbroken.

I really thought that this one was it.

Our names looked pretty good together and I was sure we could have beautiful babies.
For heaven sakes I even fell in love with his big, hairy dog -- and i don't really do pets.

I know these feelings will not last forever.

I will be okay.

I'll move on.
I'll keep breathing and eventually I'll start sleeping through the night.

I don't want my heart to be broken again, but I also don't want it to be locked up.

Really, I think it just comes down to this.

C.S. Lewis and Michael Buble can be friends in my world (even if his video is really cheesy I still like the lyrics and music).