prayers for Tess

tara, ems, me

Last year at this time of year my old college roommates and I were planning a trip away full of fun activities....jewelry, eating, book discussions, more eating-- you know, just the girls. 

Baby Tess

Well now there is a new girl on the block who is much more important than a girls trip.  

 

Last week Tara has this beautiful baby girl, Tess, who could really use all of your prayers.  She came into this world weighing just over 1 pound.  Crazy Tiny.  

(if you look close at the picture you can see Dave's wedding ring on her arm like a bracelet)

If you knew and loved Tara, her mom, like I do you would know that nobody will be a better mother than Tara.  It is only fitting that this little angel would want to come to earth in such a hurry.  So, my plea for you is that you keep little Tess and Tara and Dave in your prayers.  Sometimes in life there are situations where all you can do is pray, and this is one of them.  

Thankfully we know that prayers work and that miracles happen.  She is going to be one of them.  

(and if she is anything like her mother. . . . .which we know she is and will continue to be, she'll have more spunk and life to her than anyone could ever imagine -- not to mention a heart of gold and a serious swing!) 

Is trying to learn "how" to love

A friend of mine had this posted on his facebook account and as I watched it I decided that this is truly what valentine's day and LOVE is all about. 

I would hope that every action and step I take is pointed in the direction of becoming more like my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. 

Truly, if I feel inadequate or unsure of my ability to love the answers are pretty obvious. 

As I have loved you.  Love one another. 

This is worth watching.  a time or two. 

doesn't want you to be concerned. . . .

Not to worry concerning my last post about "singleness" 

I really do love February. . . even if I don't have someone specific to love.  

I put up really great decorations.  Most of them made by ME! :) 

Any excuse to have more pink and red in your life should be fully taken advantage of. in my opinion.  

See you feel more love already just looking at my decorations? 

And all of this I did on a budget. . . meaning I told myself I couldn't buy anymore valentine's decorations this year.  So, I only bought a couple and recycled everything else from years past. 

I've also made some really cute treats, but apparently I eat them so quickly I don't ever take a picture.  

They tasted great and looked even better. 

being single is a sickness

"How do we deal with a circumstance we never bargained for—and worse, that we never prepared for—that seems to affect all the members of our family and even our standing in society?" 

Sister Kristen Oaks

The "circumstance" that is being discussed in the above quote is the circumstance of being single (and LDS).  You would think that it is like a sickness (well a growing plague really) and that the cure seems somewhat unattainable. 

Here's how I see it:  When you are sick you go to the doctor. right? and he gives you a prescription for an anti-biotic or pain medication or whatever it might be.  You go, pay your money at the pharmacy, pick it up, start taking it (with a meal of course) and walah! you are better.  Sometimes.  Sometimes you are allergic and it is horrible and sometimes the prescription doesn't work and you have to try something different -- but all it takes is another trip to the doctor and you at least have confidence that you are on the mend. 

(I am not really speaking from personal experience because I don't really go to the doctor unless it is an extreme case or I am shanghaied into going)  

Anyway, you get the picture.  

The Sickness/Ailment of being single (and "quite a bit older") that is becoming a widespread epidemic. . . not so easy to fix.  
*Not a doctor to go to (I have been to some good therapists. . .but that is not what this post is about)
*You have to basically diagnose, prescribe and find the anti-biotic or pain killer all by yourself.    
*Just when you get the prescription and you are on the mend even headed toward recovery (aka marriage) from your single circumstance. . . boom. . . . the medication stops working (aka he stops calling or the relationship is on the rocks) and it hits you again like a ton of bricks and there you are SINGLE, alone and pretty much trying to find a new prescription (aka successful, healthy relationship) that will actually work this time.  
*You have to do this while also trying to deal with the devastating side-effects of the previous prescription -- which are inevitably present.  We all know that some side-effects of certain prescriptions never truly go away.   

I feel like some of the side-effects I deal as a consequence of dating/trying so many different prescriptions with little success are:

lack of confidence

lack of confidence 

and 

lack of confidence

I've had a lot of success ruling out which prescriptions don't work best for me or don't like my body (yes there is a double meaning there -- read it how you will).   My problem currently is finding the solution to fixing once and for all this illness. 


So, I guess the search is still on for finding a solution/perscription to clear up this single sickness. . . . I don't even know where else to go.   Sister Oak's is right in her quote at the beginning of the post.  How do we deal with this circumstance that effects not only us but our families and our standing in society. . . . . Any doctor's out there how have an answer?


I do however think that the dove valentine chocolate's I got in the mail today with handwritten valentines from my nephews will at least provide temporary relief.  

post edit:  I've worn pink or red every day so far this month to feel "valentine-ish" and it is kind of working. Also, I understand that "true healing" and peace can be found through our Heavenly Father and our relationship with Him.  This post was mostly just meant to be entertaining -- I am not really that upset about it (just thinking about it a lot). 

 

Loves my cousins

This past weekend I went to a bridal shower with my mom for one of my cousins.  Truth be told, I didn't want to go.  It isn't actually that fun to watch your 18 year old cousin getting married. 

(I don't even really know her since she is 13 years younger than me).  

However, I am glad that I went. 

 When I walked into the shower I was SO excited to see my cousins Brenda and Tamarah.  Way back when we were young (like a lot younger) we used to write letters to each other and would dream of the day when we all could live in the same state.  Tamarah was living in Washington, I lived in Utah and Brenda lived in California. 

 In spite of the distance we loved being together and family reunions were the highlight of our summers when the 3 amigos we would become.

  I should try to scan some pictures of our bangs around the face haircuts and sundresses and jumpsuits.  We were styling to say the least.  :)  

Lots of years went by and then, when we were in college we overlapped and all were at Ricks College together and had a lot of good times at the MC dances and Tam and I worked in the Library together and took advice from our older and more experienced cousin Brenda. 

(sidenote: yes it was called Ricks when were there and I will not call it BYU-I ever).  

I will spare you the pictures of that, for my sake mostly, because hands down I was NOT cute in the late 90's.  

Now, however we are ALL really cute.  

Brenda and Tamarah are both married with fantastic husbands and darling little girls and are both great examples to me. The greatest part is that we all live in Utah now and I need to see them more than just at a bridal shower every now and then, but if my 18 year old cousin getting married means I can see them I'll brave the shower and smile. 

Maybe someday I can be just like Brenda and Tamarah. 

I'll keep hoping and in the meantime I think I need to spend more time with them to really be like them.  

Me, Brenda, Tamarah

Made it

So, last Thursday night I auditioned for the Timpanogos Symphony Orchestra, which is a new symphony orchestra directed by the former Oakland Symphony Orchestra conductor. I was so nervous to audition and felt inadequate, to say the least. I had no idea what to expect and had not practiced quite enough to feel comfortable with the two pieces that I had to play for them.  There was one other violinist who auditioned before me who seemed more nervous than me, which I think helped me to feel a little bit better. Seriously, I had almost called and canceled my audition because I felt so insecure, timid and not ready.  I'm so glad that I didn't.  

As I went in to play for the director and 3 other "judges" I took a deep breath, said a little prayer and decided that even if I didn't make it auditioning was a step in the right direction if I really wanted to try and improve upon my violin skills.  I started by playing Concertino in G Minor and I played about half way through it and then they stopped me and the director, Jon, asked me if I would skip to the end of the piece.  Then he said "I am going to do something that I haven't done before, and I am going to conduct you while you play. . . ." Nervous.  For sure I got off on my timing and was a total wreck while he was conducting me.  I kept losing my place in the music (which is like 3/4 memorized anyway) and trying to follow him. When I stopped playing he asked me what I thought my musical strength was and I told him that it was definitely playing by ear and that counting/rhythm was something I was constantly working on. I might have even told him that a metronome is my best friend.  They then had me play my second song which sounded lots better.  He asked me some more questions about my musical training and what I did to learn a new song.  I probably shouldn't have admitted to them that I always look up the songs that I am learning on YouTube, but they laughed when I told them I was over the fact that it was always a 7 year old Asian child playing whatever song I was currently learning and trying to listen to.  

I left the room to pack up my instrument and they called me back in to tell me that I had MADE IT! I was so surprised and excited.  So, we start practices in a couple of weeks and I can hardly wait.  I don't even care what chair I play.  I'm just glad I didn't let my fear get the best of me and quit before I tried.  

Also, I should probably buy a new black dress to go with the 15 I already own. . . you know, because.