finished her school year

Yesterday was the last day of school. It was kind of filled with mixed emotions for me, and I still don't think that it has sunk in that it is over. It always takes me at least two weeks to adjust to not having a "job" to go to every morning.
I know you are thinking I am crazy to not just count my lucky stars that I am done.

So, this morning I was on a nice long run and as I ran I kept thinking about all the kids that I have taught over the past 9 years. All the teachers that I have worked with and the innumerable things that I have learned. I didn't cry when I was running I was using every ounce of energy I had to just pick my feet up off the ground and keep running my meager little 6 miles.



My basement looks like a hurricane hit it and I think I have more stuff down there than possibly necessary. I guess I have the makings of a really great preschool someday, but right now I don't really want to clean it out, sort it or do a whole lot with it. I need to just let it sit for a little while in its neatly organized buckets.





I was going to go to school today to get the remainder of my stuff (yes, there is more), but decided against it with the premise that I can't fit the mini picnic table or child size rocking chair into my car anyway, so I am going to have to wait for a truck. I'm okay to wait. I don't think I want to see it end just yet.

I'm not quite ready.

Not quite ready to face the reality that the little faces (usually dirtied with lunch from that day) aren't going to be telling me that my hair looks like a lion, or asking me why I am not married, or poking me in places that nobody really should be touching, or smiling at me hoping for mercy when they have done something wrong. Not quite ready to give up leaping down the hallway to make the other teachers laugh. Not quite ready to say goodbye to teachers who I have grown accustomed to seeing every morning greeting me with a smile. Not quite ready and already missing it.

Now, I have to remind myself that

* I have a name -- aside from Teacher.
*I don't have a class pet (that one I am not to torn up about at all)
* I can still buy sticky notes even if I don't teach school
* children's books are worth the money I have invested even if I don't have anyone presently to read them to
*that putting magnetic letters on my fridge for letter fun time might come across a little bit weird
* I probably won't have anyone calling me mom for quite a while.
(seriously, if I don't have 6 year olds around who is going to make that mistake -- nobody)
* there are snacks other than goldfish crackers and fruit snacks
* I look great even if I don't have a child telling me that I am the "prettiest girl they know"
* I can't clap my hands or snap my fingers to get someone's attention.
* The teacher look doesn't go over well at home.

* I have somehow, made a difference over 9 years in the life of a child and it has been worth every hard day, tear and ounce of energy.

It has been worth it and it is okay to cry.