I rode my bike.
I ran.
I sewed.
I read books.
I gardened.
I spent time with friends.
I created.
Then I got married and became a mom.
Best decision I've made, but how do I still have hobbies and do things I love.
I mean I sorta do all those things still, but not REALLY. You know what I mean?!
I'm feeling a little bit like I've lost who I am.
I know I can't be the only one who has ever felt this way.
Maybe this is who I am now and I need to just deal with it.
Maybe some of you out there can help me with this.........
Maybe I don't want it fixed as much as validation that I am not crazy.
(Just lie to me and pretend I am normal even if you think I am crazy and we can stay friends).
And now, Natalie is sitting on my lap
I'm giving her a turn before it turns volitale and I think I'll shower.
I do still shower and get ready most days which I consider a massive accomplishment.
Help.
7 comments:
I am right there with you! I miss reading, I miss doing crafty things that don't include construction paper and Play-Doh. I miss having one of those good deep conversation with friends without an adorable 3 year old wanting something every few minutes.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Finn, wouldn't trade him for anything, can't live with out him, want to have more just like him. BUT it is like giving up a piece of yourself once you have kids. It's their needs first and once their needs are taken care of then it's all the things that need to be done around the house. Personal time? Reading? Crafting? WHAT?!
You are totally normal feeling this way, especially not starting out with a baby that sleeps most of the day and slowly becomes more active. You got two cute girls who are totally active!
Make sure you find time for you. Wayne knows that sometimes after Finn goes to bed I just have to go to Target and walk around, just have me time in one of the best places to do it! One of my friends has a deal with her husband that Tuesday nights are her nights so he takes care of the kids and she locks herself in her craft room and does whatever she wants, crafts, reads, plays on the computer. I love that idea and once Wayne is out of school I'm totally doing that!
I miss reading the most, but my OCD takes over and there's always something to do around the house or something to clean or pick up.
I've found that it makes me happier to give into the OCD side and clean the house than spend time reading. And if there is a book I really want to read then I'll sneak in time here and there. I figure once the kids are raised and gone they'll be plenty of time for reading and other things, so I chose them and my calling as a wife and mother over that right now.
It is like going through an identity crisis, it's a HUGE change than what single life was. You need to figure out what works for you to sneak in personal time or those things you need. Don't get frustrated if it doesn't happen right away, it took me a while to find my groove with all of this and I only have one kid!
Amber, you are amazing and I'm sure you are doing a fantastic job!! Love you!
Oh wow, is this blog post ever so true. I definitely have felt the same way. I frequently think of the days where i had time for the gym, run to a movie, go to dinner whenever I wanted. Those days are gone. But I know that there will be time when my kids are grown up and gone and I can do those things again. But I know that I will miss my kids being around me all the time, begging my attention and wanting me. Sometimes I feel like motherhood is a constant "wish this phase would pass" and then when it does, "I wish I could go back to that phase." I've had to definitely work hard at enjoying the moments while I am in them, which I am so not good at! I'm lucky that my girls still have nap time and I've learned to squeeze in bits of me time where I can. But there just never seems to be enough time. I guess what I am trying to say, is that I've learned that my "me time" is now "our time." It's taken me years to be okay with it and I still struggle. Take advantage of the time when you can get away with your friends and leave the kids with your hubby. I don't do it often enough and wish I did more. They are such therapeutic times for me.
Your an amazing mom Amber and these girls are so lucky to have you. Good luck and know that I think of you lots!!
Oh, Amber, just know that you are right on track and feeling completely normal emotions. Usually people get to move into that the transition of motherhood a little easier than you got. (They can't talk for quite a while after they come!) You jumped in the game running. Josh could commiserate with you on that one. It's great and wonderful and hard and worth it and hard.
This is one of those Mormon Message videos that really helps me on the tougher days. Here's the link: https://www.lds.org/pages/motherhood Bookmark it. Watch it often.
Sometimes we get caught in the trap of we're suppose to serve, serve, serve, and it's suppose to feel good, and we feel guilty when it doesn't feel good. There really is something to the whole airplane scenario of putting on your oxygen mask and THEN helping others.
Now realistically, there's not time for all the things we'd like to do, but figure out what your bucket filler is & make sure it happens, even if it's only 10 minutes in a day. It's a great lesson to teach our children, so they don't get caught in that same guilt driven service cycle.
(Sorry about the book here, but I'm not done yet!) I'm just grasping this concept. I decided to go back to school. Yep, there's not much that made sense about it with 4 kids & life coming at me from all directions, but it felt so right, so I jumped in. I'm taking one class. Here's what I've found: I'm happier. I have more to give. I have more energy. My brain feels stimulated. My kids are respectful of my school time. (really weird, huh?!) It's been wonderful! I don't even feel guilty for having this 'all about me' thing.
Thanks for being real. It's a hard thing you're doing. It's an amazing thing you're doing. Expect angels to help. They will. Please call if you ever need. I'm a listening ear! Love ya!
Amber,
Everything that you are feeling is totally normal. Being a mom is very difficult, time consuming, and requires a LOT of sacrifice. But it seems to work out in the end. It takes an adjustment period. I can't imagine the challenges that come by walking into an already established family. But with challenges always come the rewards. It will take an adjustment period. Just like when you have a new baby and you feel like you will never be normal again. You will never sleep through the night again, you will never have personal space, etc. Then after some time (years even), you seem to figure things out and find ways to get a little personal time to work out, or go do crafts with some ladies, etc. Don't be hard on yourself. You are a wonderful mom. It just takes time for you to adjust to this phase in life, as well as for the kids to adjust to you. But you will figure out who Amber is and find the time you need to be that person. But you might realize that the days of "me time" might not be who you are any more and that is okay. Changes are hard, but they are for the better. Just keep smiling and know that you will be blessed for your sacrifices in raising those beautiful girls.
Welcome to motherhood. Believe me, after almost 5 years of it I think I am finally getting used to not having time for my hobbies. :) It's been so difficult for me. Worth it, but still difficult.
Totally normal. :) and totally worth it.
YOU'RE PERFECTLY NORMAL, especially going from single girl to instant mom. The best advice I got from another "instant mom" was to keep something, anything, of yourself in your life. I loved the advice, but still trying to figure out how to do that. You don't have to give up your entire life to the kids, because if you don't take time for yourself, you won't have much left to give... again lovely advice, but hard to follow! ((hugs))
Motherhood, the grow-into-it way is hard. I can't imagine instant motherhood. The best $10 I ever spent was on this: Winning at Parenting Without Beating Your Kids. It is full of positive, do-able, adaptable parenting tools. I highly recommend it.
xo -E
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