How are you really ever ready for things that make you want to throw-up.
Like, going on a blind date after not having to go on a blind date for over a year. I'm back on the blind date circuit apparently. Funny how not even 2 days (seriously 2 days) after things ended in the relationship I had been in I had someone who told me that they had given my number out. I think it just hits you in situations like that, that you are back on the chopping block, right out in the open, vulnerable and hesitant, but knowing you can't just hide and wait for a miracle to happen.
It has been over a month now since what seemed like the end of my dating life and any sort of meaningful relationship as I knew it and I have been taking baby steps toward being ready (or willing) to "date" again. I went to a singles ward institute class, I had dinner with a family in my ward who wanted me to meet one of their "single guy friends", I hesitantly gave the okay to people who asked if they could give my number out (and then just cried after I hung up), but I have been making strides, even if they are not huge strides.
Putting one foot in front of the other has been the theme.
So, tonight I have my first official date (not sure what makes a date official instead of un-official). I might look normal, but I don't really feel normal. That throwing-up feeling is right at the surface.
I guess that could work to my advantage -- like if I throw up then I can just come home right?
Funny how when I was 16 I would have been dying to have plans, let alone a date on a Friday night and now 14 years later. . . it's kind of lost its luster.
At least now, at my age, dinner will probably be paid for with a card, not pennies and dimes from an after school part time job, oh that and I don't have my dad telling me what my curfew is.
Ready or not. . . . I'll put on my game face, and as far as the throwing up goes. . . we'll just see what happens.
Like, going on a blind date after not having to go on a blind date for over a year. I'm back on the blind date circuit apparently. Funny how not even 2 days (seriously 2 days) after things ended in the relationship I had been in I had someone who told me that they had given my number out. I think it just hits you in situations like that, that you are back on the chopping block, right out in the open, vulnerable and hesitant, but knowing you can't just hide and wait for a miracle to happen.
It has been over a month now since what seemed like the end of my dating life and any sort of meaningful relationship as I knew it and I have been taking baby steps toward being ready (or willing) to "date" again. I went to a singles ward institute class, I had dinner with a family in my ward who wanted me to meet one of their "single guy friends", I hesitantly gave the okay to people who asked if they could give my number out (and then just cried after I hung up), but I have been making strides, even if they are not huge strides.
Putting one foot in front of the other has been the theme.
So, tonight I have my first official date (not sure what makes a date official instead of un-official). I might look normal, but I don't really feel normal. That throwing-up feeling is right at the surface.
I guess that could work to my advantage -- like if I throw up then I can just come home right?
Funny how when I was 16 I would have been dying to have plans, let alone a date on a Friday night and now 14 years later. . . it's kind of lost its luster.
At least now, at my age, dinner will probably be paid for with a card, not pennies and dimes from an after school part time job, oh that and I don't have my dad telling me what my curfew is.
Ready or not. . . . I'll put on my game face, and as far as the throwing up goes. . . we'll just see what happens.
2 comments:
I want details. Let's talk soon!
I'm pretty sure you had an adorable outfit with gorgeous shoes for this right? Sometimes that was all I enjoyed about a night out with someone I did not want to be out with. I love the positive attitude though, you're such a soldier!!
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