People all over the place

There is something about being surrounded by people that makes you feel alone. Has anyone ever had that experience. I think that Holidays are unique in this aspect, or at least make the situation more pronounced. Lets be honest, sometimes family is your own worst enemy. Or, I guess if I am being honest, family is sometimes MY worst enemy or I make it that way. I don't know if that is just because I am so alike my family memebers in some ways, and so different in others or what makes the difference.

This Christmas we have a full house of unique and differing personalities. My parents, my brother Jim and his wife Megan with their three lively boys. Kristin, Jared and their two boys (who are more on the emotional than lively side) Heather, who just had a pretty serious surgery a few days ago and is on who knows what medication. Derek, whose trademark is speaking before he thinks, and me -- enough said. Missing from our home this Christmas is Shawn and his wife Byrdie with their little girl and Daniel who is not to far away from us in the MTC just down the road.

So, lots of different combinations and personalities all trying to be together in the same house and keep some sort of semblance amidst the insanity. Here is a short of example of how easy it is to feel alone with all these people around.

Setting: Kitchen at breakfast time
Characters: All the aforementioned family members
Problem: Personalities
Solution: Compromise




The story unfolds: Amber is working hard, slaving over the hot stove cooking a nice breakfast for her family members. To her, eating is a formality, not really a necessity. While she is cooking she is wondering if she should just let the Captain Crunch that her dad bought for breakfast be enough, but she can't really convince herself of this as she keeps cooking. All around her there are sounds of laughter and toys as her siblings are with their posterity playing with their new treasures from santa. Occasionally a child runs up, rams into her leg and shouts Merry Christmas and then returns to their more exciting adventures. Slowly enter one by one all siblings and offspring of Craig and Sandy Ostler who are spending Christmas morning on Mohawk Avenue. Jim, the carnivorous brother takes it upon himself to cook the sausage, which is an answer to a prayer for Amber who has been thinking of ways to dispose of the disgustingness since 8:00 am.


Derek, volunteers to help with mixing orange juice (two brands were bought to assure that we could see which one we like best) small discussion/argument ensues about the best way to mix frozen concentrate. Sneaky brother #1 aka sausage maker slips more and more butter into hasbrowns and assures Amber that she needs more than a dozen eggs. Cooking continues, and previously made and baked sticky buns are eaten before breakfast is ready to begin.


skip forward 22 minutes Finally, we all sit down at the kitchen table to eat breakfast. 6 minutes later we are ready to bless the food and 3 kids are already crying and two cups of orange juice have been spilled. Once again, Amber remembers why food is just a formality to her. . . it is afterall, just food. However, unlike food, cleanliness is not just a formality but a necessity. She can't seem to find a seat anywhere in the kitchen where there isn't something that is distracting her from eating: #1 -- cupboard doors left open, #2 -- pieces of bread thrown to the floor by a one year old #3 -- loud voices at the table #4 -- dishes that don't match. #5 -- etc. . .

Once again, she feels alone. . . . not alone when it comes to the physical nature of it, but rather alone in personality. Is there nobody else in this crazy family of mine who is as crazy as me. I guess not. Maybe not being able to eat or sit still unless dishes match and cupboard doors are left open isn't normal and I will always be alone in this. I guess only time will tell. I think tomorrow I will skip breakfast, or at least just have neat little dish of boring oatmeal with a little bit of brown sugar and a matching mug filled with orange juice (the kind you buy already mixed). And yes, I will most likely be eating my breakfast alone in all senses of the word, unless by some strange turn of fate I miraculously wake up to someone making me breakfast exactly the same way I would do it. Nope, I'll just eat alone, and be totally okay with that.